Last weekend. We sat at the table, at dinner. The boys, my dearest, and I. The daughter was still in the dormitory. At a certain point, we were talking about everyone's special qualities, including the negative ones. We were allowed to give our opinion unvarnished (our family's trademark: lack of varnish). It was my turn. … Continue reading She said it.
Once upon a time, at a time that never happened. And somewhere, in a place that doesn't exist. Alem and Biruk go into a shop, for the first time ever. They're very excited. After all, this is a fantastic shop. Because they have the tastiest biscuits there. Soft biscuits, and hard biscuits. Or soft biscuits … Continue reading A parable
There are role models. I choose examples. Amal Alamuddin. Audrey Hepburn. Emma Watson. After all, I want to do it right. In style. I want to avoid making a caricature of a woman. No, my appearance should be a tribute to femininity. I know. That's ambitious. I watch instructional videos of fashion models on youtube. … Continue reading Studying women
My childhood. I liked to play soccer, but I wasn't very good at it. And I played rough games occasionally, but I also enjoyed picking flowers, baking cakes, making plant hangers in macramé, and bracelets with string beads. When I think about it, I smile and feel the peace and quiet I felt then. My … Continue reading Am I a woman?
You grow up, and you learn it fast. There are two kinds of people. One kind has a penis, the other kind has a vagina, although the words you learned back then were different. You learn the two kinds are different. You belong to one kind, your sister belongs to the other. Your kind is … Continue reading Labels
I understand her. I understand it's not easy for her to meet Louise. Seeing her husband in a skirt, that's one thing. But seeing him wearing a wig, prostheses and makeup, is another. She knows that there is this woman in me. She can live with that fact, and she knows it won't go away. … Continue reading Understanding her
The scenario seems the same to everyone. We deny it first. We try to live by the conventional standards, ignoring that aspect of us. And to a certain extent, we succeed. Meanwhile, we secretly do what we're not allowed to do. Everyone's got their little secrets, right? But we're ashamed of it too. Hopefully this … Continue reading The Cure
Sometimes you run into those things you think you'll never need, but once you've experienced what they can offer, you can't live without them. It happened to me with the cell phone, and it happened to me… with makeup. Makeup wasn't my first entry into feminine expression. Those were skirts and dresses, from sober to … Continue reading Start2makeup
A few decades ago... We'd been together for a few months. We were students. We grew towards each other. We were already sleeping together. Her clothes were often lying around, even in my room. One day I put them on while she was there, pretending to be joking. Her tight but stylish dark grey miniskirt … Continue reading My first coming out
I can't always be Louise when I want to be. That's annoying, but I can still handle it. What really helps is that I've already allowed being her in my head, after years of denial. That liberation still feels good. What also helps is imagination. As I walk down the street to work, I imagine … Continue reading Walking to work