The scenario seems the same to everyone. We deny it first. We try to live by the conventional standards, ignoring that aspect of us. And to a certain extent, we succeed. Meanwhile, we secretly do what we're not allowed to do. Everyone's got their little secrets, right? But we're ashamed of it too. Hopefully this … Continue reading The Cure
Sometimes you run into those things you think you'll never need, but once you've experienced what they can offer, you can't live without them. It happened to me with the cell phone, and it happened to me… with makeup. Makeup wasn't my first entry into feminine expression. Those were skirts and dresses, from sober to … Continue reading Start2makeup
A few decades ago... We'd been together for a few months. We were students. We grew towards each other. We were already sleeping together. Her clothes were often lying around, even in my room. One day I put them on while she was there, pretending to be joking. Her tight but stylish dark grey miniskirt … Continue reading My first coming out
I can't always be Louise when I want to be. That's annoying, but I can still handle it. What really helps is that I've already allowed being her in my head, after years of denial. That liberation still feels good. What also helps is imagination. As I walk down the street to work, I imagine … Continue reading Walking to work
I was 12 years old, and on camp with the scouts. Camps were mixed, boys and girls went together, but we slept in separate tents, and most of the activities were also separate. One day I got sick, the very day my group left on a 2-day trip. One of the leaders studied medicine and … Continue reading One fine day with the girl scouts
I had a happy childhood. Really, I did. There were some difficult moments, but the kind everyone has to deal with at some point. Still, I'm experiencing some kind of loss these days. I've only recently accepted being a transgender person. For years I did a lot of things secretly, and I was ashamed for … Continue reading Reconstructing my youth
And there I was, all dressed up. I was wearing a pretty dress, pantyhose, elegant shoes with heels, and make-up applied by a professional. I was on cloud nine, but it also felt a bit awkward in the beginning. How was I supposed to stand? What to do with my arms and legs? What should … Continue reading Dance Class
Why do I have this thing for women's clothes? Why do I like to wear a skirt? Do I want to be a woman, and what does that mean, "being a woman"? Why am I so much attracted to feminine elegance, grace, friendliness… that I want to radiate it myself? The honest answer to these … Continue reading Why?