Looking forward

Not too fast. That’s what I have told myself from the beginning. As if I am on a local train, and only go one stop at a time. Once there, I walk around a bit. Do I like it here? Do I want to go further, or do I want to go in a different direction?

It is trying and experimenting, and I can only recommend that to everybody. Others who have gone before me told me the same thing.

When I started, I absolutely wanted a wig. I needed it to look sufficiently feminine. I also remember how happy I was, the first time I wore it, in Truus‘ store. Tears in my eyes. With that wig, I dared to go outside, and meet others. I was also less easily recognizable like that. But now the wig bothers me after all. It makes me less authentic, as if I don’t show who I am.

And actually I have quite nice hair, if I may say so. My wife is jealous of it. And why should I keep it so short? I haven’t been to the hairdresser for a long time, and now my hair has a length that already looks quite feminine. My hair curls too, by nature. In the past, I used to make efforts to get those curls out, but now I’m doing the opposite. On youtube I found videos of curly girls telling how they take care of their hair. My wife suggested a good shampoo, conditioner and styler: “be curly” by Aveda. I dry my hair with a soft cotton t-shirt, not a towel. And it all helps.

Sofie encouraged me further. She thought my hair was fine, I didn’t need that wig, she said. So I’ve been going without it for a while now. And I like it. It’s not yet what it should be, but I have something to look forward to. Hair grows, and someday I’ll get a haircut again.

There are technologies that help me to look ahead. With FaceApp I can make my hair longer. I really like the image. There’s something on my bucket list again: going to the hairdresser as Louise.

And I’ll get older too, and my hair will be grayer. Let me simulate that. Should I dye it, or not? I don’t know yet. That’s another stop.

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