The scenario seems the same to everyone. We deny it first. We try to live by the conventional standards, ignoring that aspect of us. And to a certain extent, we succeed.
Meanwhile, we secretly do what we’re not allowed to do. Everyone’s got their little secrets, right? But we’re ashamed of it too. Hopefully this won’t come out. But the desire is growing. We secretly do it more often. We live in conflict with ourselves.
At times it’s difficult. Also during the day, on the street, at work. The weather gets better, the sun is higher. They look so good. All of them. A short dress with a deep cut. Sandals with a heel, and lacquered toenails. A pleated skirt and a tight top. A flower in the hair. A smile.
I feel jealousy. I feel envy. Why am I denied this? Why can’t I put on such nice clothes and walk around in the real world? Why are they allowed to, and I’m not?
The scenario goes on. The pivotal moment is there. We don’t deny it anymore. We embrace it. This is who we are. And we realize there’s really nothing wrong with it.
I had my first makeover. It was wonderful. Cloud nine. A blissful feeling that lasts for weeks. And with a side effect I wasn’t expecting. I was cured. Cured of jealousy and envy.
I came to realize that no one denied me anything but me. I’m allowed to wear nice clothes and walk around in the real world. It’s okay. It’s fine. And I’m gonna do it.
Louise Loverix' musings 