I can’t always be Louise when I want to be. That’s annoying, but I can still handle it. What really helps is that I’ve already allowed being her in my head, after years of denial. That liberation still feels good.
What also helps is imagination.
As I walk down the street to work, I imagine that I am wearing a pretty dress and nice elegant shoes. My hair looks good, my make-up isn’t very noticeable, but it makes me look better. And I walk like a classy lady.
It can seem a bit superficial – being a woman means more to me than just expression – but being dressed like a woman and then walking like a man, I think it’s a bummer. So I keep my elbows a bit more inward, I turn my palms a bit more outward. I keep myself upright, shoulders a bit to the back, chin parallel to the ground. Small steps, my feet follow a line. My arms not only swing from front to back, but also a bit from left to right. My hips are swaying, very subtly. I don’t want to overdo it either.
When nobody is close by, I imagine a pedestrian coming in my direction. I know that person, I smile, and I say “good morning” out loud, in a soft voice. “Hello Louise,” that person says, ” Everything okay?” ” Sure, and you?” “Fine!” And we each go our separate ways.
My day has started well.